Are the Florida Keys Worth Visiting?!

There is a ton of hype behind the Florida Keys.

Island life. Beach. Partying. Sunshine.

Ever since I was told about the Florida Keys and the things to do there, it sounded like a trip you take and never want to leave. Slow pace of life, beaches, salty warm air… sounds pretty dang nice, doesn’t it.

Did I mention the tropical drinks? Because those are also quite abundant.

I spent 2017 living on Hilton Head Island in South Carolina, and without getting into too much detail, I liked it… a lot. So with a taste of “island life”, I even began to believe that the Keys might steal my heart.

Afterall, I love the idea of No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problems..

So why not make the trip? Heck, why not road trip down to the Florida Keys.

Right outside of Miami, Florida (in a town called Homestead) I hopped onto US Highway 1, the Florida Overseas Highway. Something about bouncing from island to island, or in this case, key to key; along one long road with bridge after bridge, and the temps only getting warmer and the water clearer… I mean, who wouldn’t be excited. Not to mention the well known Seven Mile Bridge was along this route of 42(!) bridges.

I guess now is a pretty good time to let you know that I kind of really like bridges. Something about their architecture, complexity, and ability to create a gut fear in the most confident of people is just intriguing.

Anyhow, here we are! As far south in the US as possible.

Key West

Now when it comes to Key West, you might imagine the ideal United States island life.. touristy where appropriate, beach bums (of course), fruity alcoholic beverages, laid-back lifestyle, and the whole island vibes mantra that you associate with hammocks and palm trees, and probably all other things to do in the Florida Keys.

Spoiler alert!

The Florida Keys may not reach the bar that was set if you were hoping to lounge privately, sipping your Mai Tai. It seems that these islands gave in to the tourist scene, and started to fill every possible piece of land with vacation homes, commercialized restaurants, and those same gift shops that every tourist destination has, with the same shirts that have the same exact print, and same exact style with just a name change to match your new vacation spot.

But I can tell you one thing for sure, these key-lifers love to party. I had a blast for the few days spent in Key West. It was a pretty penny, but who wouldn’t indulge in some tropical libations when near the ocean, or better yet, actually on an island.

“What are your Florida Keys highlights?“

Cool piece of Key West is South Beach. This park is where you will find the Southernmost Point Buoy, and Mile Marker zero. Days are easily filled with walking up and down the streets, checking out the tourist traps, drinking those fruity island-style adult beverages, and trying to find something deeper than what meets the eye of the point-and-shoot tourist.

Right in the middle of it all. I found myself sitting at Flying Monkeys slushy bar sipping on a grain alcohol (190 proof) frozen concoction and watching the palm trees sway with a big ol’ smile on my face. After putting down one a few of these taste bud arousers, my talkative side started to break free. Having conversations with a couple locals, a few tourists, and the two bartenders; I found a few things to add to the to do list while in the Florida Keys.

After wandering around the heart of Key West for a bit that night, checking out the Mallory Square Sunset Festival (Held every night at Mallory Square. Totally recommend.), and being entertained for a couple of hours by the street performers that drew crowds by the hundreds, I decided to check out a bar that one of the locals told me about.

This place was… different.

To say the least.

At first it seems like your average roof-top bar, with moderately priced drinks, 80% tourists and what I would guess was about 20% locals. Except for one slight detail that was so underplayed when I was told about this joint (Don’t remember the name of this place… not blaming the everclear, but something fogged my memory a little)…

This place was clothing optional..

(sorry Mom and Dad)

I’m not talking no shoes, no shirt… I’m talking zero clothing, but of course, still no problems. Now without too much of a visual, let’s just say that about 50% of the crowd takes advantage of this option, and some things are eye-pleasers while some of the others, as you could imagine, are definitely something I wish to never see again.

Now if you are road tripping down to the Florida Keys, and hoping to take advantage of wonderful weather in your camper of choice; I must warn you of one small damper in those plans…

You can not sleep in your vehicle (camp) anywhere in the Florida Keys.

I have spent hours upon hours trying to figure out where I could legally (taken lightly) boondock in the Florida Keys. After extensive research, I found out that “Vehicle Lodgers” and campers are 100% illegal in all of the Florida Keys, and subject to a fine or even arrest and jail-time, for repeat offenders. Of course, unless at a designated, privately owned location.

In case you don’t know: Boondocking ↘
It is essentially just finding a place to car camp that has no hookups. Typically a spot that allows overnight camping, or somewhere where stealth camping can be accomplished without a bother. Think, a traveler’s stop, or Cracker Barrel’s RV lot.

After hearing that I thought to myself “oh sh*t”, what am I going to do now?! I wasn’t going to let this minor bump change my plans…

(again, sorry Mom and Dad)

I definitely do not recommend doing what I did, but again, live your own life story.

I ended up finding myself a paid lot that allows overnight parking, with the idea that you will find your way home and back in the morning to pick up your car (presumably after a long night of drinking).

Did I still sleep in my car? Yes.
Was I supposed to? No.

So how did I get away with it?

This overnight lot was manned with someone throughout the night under some straw-hut pavilion. But, within this lot was a single porta-potty that the employees had to use. Well, when I found my way back to the lot after dark, I waited for the attendant on duty to either get distracted, or have to visit said porta-potty, and I would quickly get into my car, and pull my blackout curtains shut before getting noticed.

Again, I do not recommend or condone anyone else to repeat my decisions.

It ended up working out for me during my multi-day visitation. Likely, the better option is to snag a hotel room, or pay for a lot at one of the campgrounds. It will keep your anxiety levels down.

Anyhow, my last day in Key West I decided to do what I felt was most important. I meandered through the different parks and beaches, walked around downtown like an aimless tourist, caught a fair share of UV rays, and then jumped on the train of checking some Key West tourism staples off.

Staple One: Grab a margarita from the original Margaritaville. Jimmy Buffet is the man. End of story. So obviously grabbing a margarita at THE Margaritaville was a necessity, and remains highly recommended.
Yes, that picture is blurry – but at that point in time.. everything was.

Staple Two: Eat a piece of locally made Key Lime Pie.
Yes, mine was gluten free. Yes, it was delicious. And yes, if you go the keys and don’t try key lime pie, I think you’re wrong.

While you may think that Key West is really all that the Florida Keys have to offer… I would highly suggest you open your eyes, and rethink your life for a minute or two.

Taking US Highway 1 back up towards the mainland, I made a few stops along the way…

Bahia Honda State Park

This place has some epic views of the clear gulf waters and the reef below. Not to mention there is a huge railway bridge (which you can hike up) that halted construction years ago, but now offers a cool scenic overlook.
Sure, it costs a few extra bucks to visit a state park, but at least these dollars are going towards the preservation and conservation of the beautiful places and incredible wildlife that we all want to see.

Sombrero Beach

Located on Marathon Key, this hidden place is almost a hidden gem of the Florida Keys. It may be the one place down there where spending your day under the palms, and sipping some suds is a common theme.

 

Rain Barrel Village

Why stop here?

Well, when driving on US Highway 1, it’s kind of hard to miss the massive lobster that stares you down as you drive by. Come to find out, it is the largest anatomically correct, lobster replica in the world.
And, aside from the giant sea scorpion, this little art plaza has a bunch of handmade crafts and whatnot which is always cool to check out.

“So… Are the Florida Keys Worth the Visit?“

It really depends what you are looking for. For me, it sure is a fun place to visit, and a good opportunity to dabble in the island, touristy vibe.

But, if you are looking for something that is ultimately laidback where you can sip on your Piña Colada and hang out in the shade of a palm tree… you may want to look somewhere else (hello Biscayne).

The Florida Keys are set up for you active tourists, unless of course, you’re simply okay with restaurant and bar hopping your days away. That being said, I am sure you can find what what you are looking for in the Florida Keys (even you sangria-sippin, hammock-hanging, sun-soakers). Plus, there are some awesome parks to check out with what seems to be limitless opportunity for a new experience to be had.

Cheers!